I am a ragamuffin in this world. I have no hope in myself. I think about all the dreams and hopes that I used to have for my life, and I think I will never know them. I feel like I am caught in a cycle of illness and despair with no way out except when God wills it. I am scared.
The Bible says that God is doing everything for my good. I believe that to be true. It is another thing to know it in your heart. Over the last 4 years of continued set backs I have come to know that God is doing something, but how is this for my good. What future can be found in the midst of this. I know that this world is not my home but I pray that God will grant me peace, rest, and joy in this life. My heart aches right now. Continue Reading…
Tag Archive - Hope
Soo… Yeah, life still sucks… Yet, I am fine? (A rant to God)
A long road with my Lord through a valley of despair
So….. I went to the doctor today. Lets just say that everyone there was surprised to see me today. I had an appointment on tuesday and upon leaving then everything was looking great. Today is a new day indeed. After they were over the shock that my foot was moving the doctor tried to figure out what was happening to my foot. the first x-ray showed that everything looked great. Well that was a bit puzzling since I knew that my foot was moving. Next we did a different x-ray called a “stress x-ray” (from the hame you can infer that it is a tid bit painful) which was able to show that the fusion has indeed failed. Continue Reading…
Reality of change within the snow globe of life
Why? How? What do I do? Your once peaceful life gets trashed by things that you have no control over. That driver speeding down the highway, the cancer that was in remission, the spouse who left you alone with children and in debt, or that small wound that turned into a raging deadly infection are just a limited few of those life disrupting events.
We all have times when we have our lives trashed. I’ve been living through one event for the last 4 years. It is like someone picked up my snow globe off the shelf and shook it up. After the shake up I don’t recognize anything around me. Continue Reading…
Why does pain have to hurt so much
I have finally gotten to the point where I can do a little walking on the foot and ankle that were fused together. There was a 30 percent chance that the fusion would be a total failure even 6 months after the surgery. So with that in mind, you can understand that I am a little worried about my foot. If there is a failure it could mean amputation down the road. My calf is wasting away due to my ankle never moving again and it hurts. To top it off my ankle is swollen and feels like there is a drill bit drilling through it… The only thought that brings me joy is knowing Christ endured more pain than I will ever know.
Continue Reading…
Life keeps rolling to the tune of Charcot Neuropathic Joint
Well, it is amazing to see that God is not done with me yet. I don’t understand what is happening! Time after time I end up needing a major surgery! I know that God is in control of all of this, and that is where I find my strength. Yet why does God desire to use me to bring glory to Himself.
My Valentine’s day 2006 will be spent having my foot and ankle fused together! It is hard to be facing such a long road of recovery. I just found out two weeks ago that I have Charcot Neuropathic Joint, it basically means that my foot will break down. So….. I am having surgery to help prevent any more break down.
I feel like I have a lot to tell but no way to express it. Continue Reading…
