I am wide awake at 2-ish in the am and I am relaxing to some random Billboard top 100 hits from the 80s-today on my iPod. Listening to music is a great way to clear my thoughts. So on that note here is how my foot is doing…….
I saw the doctor yesterday and I found out what will be happening over the next few months. First off let me say that the Bee Gees are some interesting listening at 2:30 am….. So the doctor gave me two options / scenarios which are as follows. 1) My foot may heal as is with out any extra surgery. This is unlikely by human standards since I have already given the foot 6 months to heal. BUT I know that God is able to do it and I am waiting on Him. 2) I will have surgery and the doctor will put screws and/or a rod into the ankle to help stabilize it. Continue Reading…
Early morning update on music, healing, and uncertainty
Soo… Yeah, life still sucks… Yet, I am fine? (A rant to God)
I am a ragamuffin in this world. I have no hope in myself. I think about all the dreams and hopes that I used to have for my life, and I think I will never know them. I feel like I am caught in a cycle of illness and despair with no way out except when God wills it. I am scared.
The Bible says that God is doing everything for my good. I believe that to be true. It is another thing to know it in your heart. Over the last 4 years of continued set backs I have come to know that God is doing something, but how is this for my good. What future can be found in the midst of this. I know that this world is not my home but I pray that God will grant me peace, rest, and joy in this life. My heart aches right now. Continue Reading…
One really bad night tonight akin to a hellish wilderness in winter
Tonight I am at an all time low. Back in February I had an operation where my left ankle and foot were fused together. It had a 70 % chance of working and it failed. Tonight I went to ice my ankle which was hurting. I realized that my foot was moving and it should never move. So what is next, I don’t know. I am weary and tired of all of my health problems. I know deep down that everything that happens in my life is for a reason and it is for the glory of God. Why would God choose me as his tool? I am not sure. All I can say is that God is in control. I am in despair right now yet hopeful that I know that this is all God ordained.
Life keeps rolling to the tune of Charcot Neuropathic Joint
Well, it is amazing to see that God is not done with me yet. I don’t understand what is happening! Time after time I end up needing a major surgery! I know that God is in control of all of this, and that is where I find my strength. Yet why does God desire to use me to bring glory to Himself.
My Valentine’s day 2006 will be spent having my foot and ankle fused together! It is hard to be facing such a long road of recovery. I just found out two weeks ago that I have Charcot Neuropathic Joint, it basically means that my foot will break down. So….. I am having surgery to help prevent any more break down.
I feel like I have a lot to tell but no way to express it. Continue Reading…
Certain uncertainty when looking for the road through the fog
I am at a crossroad in my life right now. The only thing that I know for sure is that I desire to follow God with all of my heart, mind, soul, and strength. How does that happen? Lord, how do I find this life? I want the job of my dreams but I don’t know what my dream is. The only thing that I know with any certainty is God is in control. Through my eyes I see an uncertain future but through my faith I feel a certain course. The hardest part is seeing the road through the fog.
