I seem to always find myself in this place every time I have have a surgery or a setback where I feel trapped. I have lost my abilities to go out on my own, drive wherever and whenever I want, and workout at the gym. It is very difficult for me right now to wait. I know that God is building my faith and patience up during this time but I never enjoy it because I have to give up my will and let God lead. Letting God lead has gotten easier through all these trifle episodes I so frequently find myself aquatinted so personally with. Submitting my will and desire is difficult but I truly believe that the refinement that God is imparting is for a higher purpose.
I feel like my life is being lived on the precipice of change and I never cross the threshold of change. It’s a complete and total lie that I am not moving forward in my life. I am finishing my bachelor of science degree which is something I thought I would never do. I am getting healthier even in the midst of my surgical setbacks. I miss the friends that i made at the gym and the rush I get from working out. I know that I will have at least 4-6 months of hard work to get back to where I was in early December. I am kind of worried about where my life is going to lead after I graduate. All I know is that God’s desire and will for me right now is to finish school and get healthier. What appears to be an unknown void ahead in my life is just my misguided focus of what matters and that is knowing Jesus died for me and my life is free because of Him. Can I life my life in that truth knowing that God is able to do all things through me? It is not whatever I want but what ever His will is. When all else fails around me and there seems to be no safe haven in my rough sea to whom or what will I turn? I know that I will cling to God because of His proven faithfulness.
Am I enjoying my life right now? I have to actually say that I really love my life right now because I know who I am in Christ. I am slowly after failure learning what it means to be a biblical man and that is a great encouragement to me. I am in that wonderful place again where I want to minister to other people and not hide in my own circumstances. My time with God has been growing and fostering a renewed passion where I find myself content and my cup is over flowing. I find myself concerned more for the things of God and my heart is tender to Him and it is encouraging. I look forward to the next months that lay ahead of me. Everything is unknown to me but I can rest because I know who holds all the parts of my life together. God is the Lord of the Dance as Steven Curtis Chapman puts it and I am just dancing my way through all that I find in my path no matter what it is.
