I am a ragamuffin in this world. I have no hope in myself. I think about all the dreams and hopes that I used to have for my life, and I think I will never know them. I feel like I am caught in a cycle of illness and despair with no way out except when God wills it. I am scared.
The Bible says that God is doing everything for my good. I believe that to be true. It is another thing to know it in your heart. Over the last 4 years of continued set backs I have come to know that God is doing something, but how is this for my good. What future can be found in the midst of this. I know that this world is not my home but I pray that God will grant me peace, rest, and joy in this life. My heart aches right now. Through writing this I can honestly say that I trust God, but I hurt because all I can do is nothing. Doing nothing goes against everything that I am. I am stuck in a windowless room with a locked door in front of me and the time and day of it’s opening is only known to God. Lord please move to help me or move me from this place.
God, I trust you to do what is best for me and I give up all I am to you. Yet it is very hard to live in pain, sadness and confusion. If there is something I must learn help me to see it. If someone else needs to see let them see. You know my heart and my soul, I ask humbly that you would grant me the desires of my heart and take this pain and burden away.
Soo… Yeah, life still sucks… Yet, I am fine? (A rant to God)
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I am amazed and thankful that God brought me through this dark time in my life. I read this and I remember all that I went through and all the pain I felt. There were years of pain and illness to bring me to the present but I would never trade them for anything. God used this crucible of life to mold and shape me. Be bless my friend.
It is amazing how the situations of life can change but our need to fully wait on God is paramount to our sanity. Come Lord Jesus quickly to deliver me.