Death best becomes me at times
It is amazing how you can view the frail life that we have. I have just had another major surgery and I am sick of being sick. You never know how much good health is true life than when your health sucks. I am at wits ends with the current problems. But I find that this is the point where my faith in God is true and strong. I know my faith has wavered in recent days but as I recover from my hospitalization God is healing my weary heart. It is in the moments of total helpless fear that you see who you are. Are you a complete fake and you have no substance or are you a genuine person who has bad days but you love God and want to do his will. That is it sometimes…. I am a guy and I love God but I get weary and wonder why did God love me. How is he going to use me….. That is what life and death are about…. Am I bringing glory to God through my life or am I wasting the gift he has given me. I think mostly I waste my life but I want to be better. Some days I wish I were dead so I could just be in God’s presence and I could just rest. But that is not becoming a faithful man and that is what I want. I am excited to die someday but not tonight. I am a servant of God and He is using me. That’s my rant for now. Keep the faith and live for death, if I die today I live tomorrow.
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